What else are we missing?

Image by wmacphail via Flickr

This is a true story. You can read the full article here. It is one of the reasons why I'm so fascinated about the work that I do with people. It shows that our thoughts and perceptions greatly impact feelings which in turn impact our actions and our results. As you read this story, ask yourself: what does this mean for me? How would I have responded?

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.


10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed.. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin valued at $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the price of seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

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Are you experiencing goal drift?

We're more than a month into 2009. Here are three steps to get yourself re-focused and enlist your network to help you.

1. Review why your goal is worth working toward.
2. Think about what you will be missing if you fail to achieve your goal
2. Create a list of reasons and share it with a friend or colleague.

Thank you to Keith Ferrazzi for this post.

Type rest of the post here

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Lessons of the Square Watermelon

I came across this story and thought I would share it with you since it exemplifies many of the attributes that we encourage people to develop so that they can have an extraordinary life.

Japanese grocery stores are much smaller than their US counterparts and therefore don't have room to waste. Watermelons, big and round, wasted a lot of space. Most people would simply tell the grocery stores that watermelons grow round and there is nothing that can be done about it. But some Japanese farmers took a different approach. If the supermarkets wanted a square watermelon, they asked themselves, "How can we provide one?" It wasn't long before they invented the square watermelon.

The solution to the problem of round watermelons wasn't nearly as difficult to solve for those who didn't assume the problem was impossible to begin with and simply asked how it could be done. It turns out that all you need to do is place them into a square tempered glass case while the fruit is still growing on the vine.



Other than "this is interesting, but so what?" this story provides us with some lessons that we can all apply to our lives. We can apply them to work, finances, relationships, etc. and greatly improve in those areas.


Don't Assume: The major problem was that most people had always seen round watermelons so they automatically assumed that square watermelons were impossible before even thinking about the question. Things that you have been doing a certain way your entire life have taken on the aura of the round watermelon and you likely don't even take the time to consider if there is another way to do it. Breaking yourself from assuming this way can greatly improve your overall life as you are constantly looking for new and better ways to do things. This is one of the most difficult things for me to do because most of the assumptions I make, I don't even realize that I'm making them. They seem perfectly logical on the surface, so I have to constantly make an effort to question them.

Question habits: The best way to tackle these assumptions is to question your habits. If you can make an effort to question the way you do things on a consistent basis, you will find that you can continually improve the way that you live your life. Forming habits when they have been well thought out is usually a positive thing, but most of us have adopted our habits from various people and places without even thinking about them. I have changed a large number of habits that I have had after taking the time to question them and continue to do so. Some of them I have know idea where they came from while others I can trace to certain people or instances in my life. It's a never ending process, but by doing this, you can consistently strive toward making all aspects of your life more enjoyable instead of defaulting to what you have now.

Be creative: When faced with a problem, be creative in looking for a solution. This often requires thinking outside the box - or in this particular case inside the box! Most people who viewed this question likely thought they were being asked how they could genetically alter water melons to grow square which would be a much more difficult process to accomplish. By looking at the question from an alternative perspective, however, the solution was quite simple. Being creative and looking at things in different ways in all portions of your live will help you find solutions to many problems where others can't see them. I've found that the more that I look at things from different perspectives, the more creative I have become. It's a learned art and builds upon itself.

Look for a better way: The square watermelon question was simply seeking a better and more convenient way to do something. The stores had flagged a problem they were having and asked if a solution was possible. It's impossible to find a better way if you are never asking the question in the first place. I try to ask if there is a better way of doing the things that I do and I constantly write down the things I wish I could do (but currently can't) since these are usually hints about steps I need to change. Get into the habit of asking yourself, "Is there a better way I could be doing this?" and you will find there often is.

Impossibilities often aren't: If you begin with the notion that something is impossible, then it obviously will be for you. If, on the other hand, you decide to see if something is possible or not, you will find out through trial and error whether it is or it isn't. Remember that there have been many "impossible" things done (think of the four-minute mile or landing a man on the moon for example.) They were impossible until someone did them.

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Are you a self-help junkie?

One of the blogs I read had an interesting post called Self-Help Junkies. In this post, the author suggests that many people who spend all of their resources learning how to get better and not actually doing anything to improve their life.

I have been facilitating Personal Development courses since 1981 and agree that the majority of the people who seek self-improvement are exactly what Steve describes in his post.

I have learned that there is a big difference between "feeling better" and "getting better" - with the former being much easier than the latter. The junkies out there just want to FEEL better and are unwilling to do the action part (which is the hard work) to GET better. So reading a self-help book or attending a seminar can definitely help them feel better. However it won't help them change much at all.

There are many reasons why people fail to act. Besides motivation, people need what I call "the 3 pillars of change" - Vision , Structure & Support - if they have any realistic chance of making significant changes to improve their lives. You can read more about this topic in the following posts: Change or Die & Structure - One of the 3 Pillars of Change.

Technorati Tags: Self-help junkies, Xtraordinary Living, www.productivelearning.com, Rick Itzkowich

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The Price of Adventure

Last week I was in Whistler, Canada conducting a one of our Learning Vacations. My partner Lindon and I went up there a few days early because we wanted to do some business planning and to also go Helicopter Boarding. Turns out that as we were being picked up to be driven to the heli-pad, the driver found out that the helicopter wouldn't be able to take off because of bad weather. So we went regular snow boarding instead and re-scheduled for the following day, when the forecast called for clear skies.

The next day the van arrived and the weather was gorgeous. We were all excited with some nervous anticipation as we drove about 30 miles to get to the heli-pad. There we underwent some safety avalanche training while we waited for the helicopter to arrive. During this time, some fog rolled in that prevented the helicopter from landing and picking us up. The guides said not to worry, because we were going to a higher location where the helicopter would have no problem landing. To make a long story short, after we moved to this new location, we waited for nearly 3 hours for the fog to lift. By the time we finally gave up, we had spent close to 6 hours waiting to go heli-boarding.

Needless to say, we were not only disappointed that we didn't get to heli-board but that we had wasted an opportunity to go regular snow boarding as well. It was then that Lindon said: "I guess that's the price of adventure."

As I thought about this, I realized how true this is. In order to live an Xtraordinary Life, you must be willing to pay the price. And sometimes the price comes in the form of "wasted opportunities." You must put yourself in a position to take advantage of something, but there is no guarantee that you will be able to capitalize on it. I remember hearing Zig Ziglar say long ago: "if you want a guarantee, buy a toaster!"

As I continue on my quest for an Xtraordinary Life, I'm sure I will continue to pay the price and I will continue to remind myself that it is worth it.

Technorati Tags: Adventure Travel, Xtraordinary Living

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Focus and attention - you will miss what you don't see!

Hope you had a great Holiday Season and that 2007 brings you everything you wish for. The beginning of the year is a great time to focus on what we want to accomplish during the year.

However, being overly focused on something can also cause us problems. Rather than telling you about it, I will show you. I'm going to ask you to click on a link so you can watch a 40-second video. Be sure you follow these instructions before you watch the video:

-- Count the number of times the team in the WHITE SHIRTS bounce the basketball. Not all the bounces, but only the bounces by the WHITE team, okay?
--After you click on the "Watch Video" link below, you will be taken to another site where the video will play. You should then see a green play arrow. Click it and remember to count! AFTER YOU WATCH THE VIDEO, click the back arrow on your browser and return to this post. Click on the "Read More..." tab to get the rest of the instructions.

Watch Video


How many bounces did you count? Did you notice something really unusual happening during the video? Chances are you didn't. So go back and watch the video again, but this time, don’t count any bounces at all, just watch the video, and enjoy.

There's an old saying that says "To the person with only a hammer, every problem looks like a nail." I'm taking the liberty to re-write that saying with one of my own: "The person obsessed with being 'right' often misses the Gorilla."

Technorati Tags: Focus, Attention, Xtraordinary Living

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Happiness is a choice.

I'm working on a new project that will allow us to offer a daily structure for increased awareness. This project involves finding various interesting quotes. One that caught my attention is the following:

"Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations." I love this quote by Edward de Bono because it captures the essence of "taking responsibility" for our happiness. It really gives us two powerful options:

1- Increase our talents to match our expectations
2- Lower our expectations to match our talents

If you read my earlier post on what constitutes an Xtraordinary Living? you'll see that option #1 above is the one that is most in alignment with living an Xtraordinary Life. However, option #2 has it's uses.

For example, about a year ago my wife suggested I take Yoga classes after I mentioned to her that I really needed to do something to increase my flexibility. I had taken Yoga in the past and didn't enjoy it. However I was willing to give it another try. After going to an introductory class, I realized that while I still didn't particularly like doing Yoga, I did like how I felt afterwards. So I bought a package of 10 classes and committed to attending once per week. I am now on my sixth package.

I'm clear that doing Yoga classes 1x/week will not increase my flexibility. However it will at least slow down the loss of additional flexibility. I have matched my talents with my expectations. And for now, that is good enough for me. If on the other hand I would expect to gain flexibility by keeping to the same regimen, I would undoubtedly end up disappointed and would quit Yoga altogether.

Remember that the quality of our life is directly related to the quality of our choices. So while not every choice we make will be Xtraordinary, the sum total of all the choices we make will determine how Xtraordinary our life will be.

Technorati Tags: Choices, Happiness, Yoga, Flexibility, Xtraordinary Living

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Commitment Brings Freedom

I got my haircut today and before I left my hairdresser's salon, I booked all of my haircuts for 2007. Since I get my haircut every 4 weeks, that was 13 appointments. This is the second consecutive year I've done this. The reason this is interesting is that I used to be a person who wouldn't schedule things too far in advance because of the "it's too far into the future and I don't know what I will be doing" mentality. I also didn't want to make commitments because I didn't want the stress I associated with making commitments and I wanted to preserve "my freedom.".

Well the exact opposite was true. Take my haircuts for example, I used to only book my next appointment after finishing my haircut. The problem with this, was that both my hairdresser's and my availability were severely reduced. We would go back and forth and when we finally selected a date/time, we would often end up squeezing it in during less than ideal times. I would also have to re-schedule a good number of these appointments because something "came up." All of this added stress and a feeling that getting a haircut was really a major hassle. This year, I only re-scheduled once and getting my haircut has stopped being a hassle. As far as freedom goes, there is a feeling of freedom knowing that I don't have to worry about my haircuts for another year.

What is fascinating is that by scheduling and committing to things in advance, I have the freedom to schedule around it. Granted, there are times when I need to re-schedule. But these are so few and far between, that it is much easier to deal with those than wait until I'm certain that nothing else is in the way.

The next time you think something along the lines of "I don't want to commit because I don't know what I'll be doing then", you may want to re-frame it and think: "I don't know WHAT ELSE I will be doing then, but at least I KNOW I will be doing this." There is a lot of freedom in that!

Technorati Tags: Time Management, Organization, Commitment, Freedom, Xtraordinary Living

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Walk our talk.

Walk our talk! That's one of our core values at PL&L. One area where we have not been doing this is as a company, is having staff retreats. I'm happy to report that we are back "on track." Last week most of PL&L's staff participated in a staff retreat on a cruise ship in Mexico. It was great to have us all interact in a non-work environment. In addition, we also got to spend some time planning and dreaming about PL&L's future.

I walked away from this experience feeling very fortunate that we have a wonderful group of people who are committed to living an helping others live an Xtraordinary life.

One of the topics we discussed was how to help our clients get more value out of their PL&L experiences. These were not intended to be strategic conversations, bur rather "big picture" ones. The conversations took us to some unexpected places and as a result, we are already working on a couple of ideas to make this happen. Stay tuned for some very exciting updates in the near future.

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Being Present

A key element in experiencing an Extraordinary Life is "being present". This sounds easy but it is not as our minds tend to wander very easily. Being "present" is a choice we must make. The more we exercise this choice, the more "present" we will be.

The article below was written by a colleague of mine - Tom Henschel. Tom's newsletter The Look & Sound of Leadership is full of insights and I highly recommend it. You can also read Tom's article on how to remember names which I posted a few months ago.

After years and years working as a television actor, I'd beaten the odds. I was supporting my family, had bought a home and put my daughter in private school. All without ever waiting tables or parking cars!

I'd also learned to accept that working actors in Hollywood don't act for a living, they audition. And, since most of the time they don't get the job, in order to work even a little they need to audition a lot. The goal, of course, is to have as high a percentage of success as possible.

While my batting average was good, I couldn't figure out how to make it better. I'd go into an audition and give a reading that was so dreadful my dead cat could've done better. I'd keep a brave face on but I knew - and was sure everyone else did, too, - that I stunk. But then, lo and behold, before I could call my manager to bemoan my failure, they would offer me the job. So how to improve my average? Try to stink every time?

Other times, I'd go into an audition and give a reading that was so good, so right on, that no one would be better. Different, maybe, but not better. But then, silence. Not a word. Nothing. The job would go to some one else. So how to improve my average? Even my best wasn't getting me the job!

Luckily, a wonderful actress named Linda Carlson changed my thinking about all this.

"Your criteria for success are all wrong," she told me. "You're thinking the only time an audition is a success is when you get the job. But that's not something you can control."

"I know," I said. "That's what's making me crazy! But what other 'success' is there besides getting the job?"

"Being present," she said with a smile. "That's the only thing you can control any way. Look. It's a given that you know how to audition, so when you walk in the room your only job is to truly be in the room in real time. If even for one moment you focus on getting the job or about how long they kept you waiting or what a terrible reading partner the casting director is, you're not being present.

"So if they introduce themselves, you remember their names. If they want to chat, you chat, without worrying about losing your character. If they don't want to chat, fine, you don't worry that it might 'mean' something. No matter what happens, you're completely present.

"And when it's time to do your reading," she said looking me right in the eye, "you read without one sliver of a thought about whether or not you're going to get the job. Any part of you that stays attached to the outcome is a part of you that's not really available to you. Just get totally and completely present."

I remember so clearly the very next audition I went on. I remember walking into the room and noticing a wonderful Southwestern picture frame on the casting director's desk with a picture of two smiling girls. I remember the poster over his couch. I remember chatting with them in a very relaxed manner, even perching on the edge of the desk. And I remember that I got the job.

The idea of Being Present is directly connected to The Look & Sound of Leadership and success in the workplace.

Imagine yourself preparing for an important meeting. As the day approaches, your adrenalin begins to rise. You tell yourself that if things go well, it will have a major impact on your next quarter. But if things don't go well, well, you don't even want to think about that.

Like an actor auditioning, you imagine that your success is directly connected to your performance in that room. And in some ways, it is. But if you allow yourself to be distracted by that reality, then part of your capacity is diminished. And if your capacity is diminished, it's less likely you're going to perform successfully. Which means the outcome you want to avoid is more likely to happen! A vicious cycle of fear creating reality.

To break the cycle, listen for when you worry. "What if they ask a question I can't answer?" "What if they fold their arms and look at me like I'm rotting fish?" "What if it doesn't go well?" "What if I bomb?"

Recognize that those "what if's" are just distractions. If those sorts of questions help you prepare, great. You need to prepare. But if those "what if's" create anxiety, tune them out. Think of them like background noise: they are there but you don't have to focus on them. Think, "I can have those thoughts and still do my job."

Your job is to go into that high stakes room and be present.

Don't get attached to the outcome. You can't control that. Tell yourself that you'll count every high stakes encounter a success if you can just stay present. Really listen. Really connect. If you can do that, you'll stand out from those around you. Just be present.

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Penny Wise & Dollar Foolish

I hardly ever use cash when I pay for things. Whenever possible, I look to pay with my credit card so that I can accumulate the airline miles. Given the amount of travel I do, these miles allow me to upgrade my Coach tickets and fly Business Class at a fraction of a cost.

There is a deli nearby that has good food. However, I hardly think of it among my options for lunch. I'm pretty sure that one of the reasons I don't is because they don't accept credit cards. However, now that we don't have a kitchen and we're eating a lot more take-out, my wife and kids suggested we get something from this deli. When I went to pick up my order, I was pleased to see that they were now accepting credit cards.

A few days later, I decided to go to the deli for lunch. When it came time to pay, I handed my credit card and I was told that they "couldn't" accept credit cards for orders that totaled less than $10. The truth is not that they "couldn't" but that they "wouldn't." The reason for this is because they are paying a "per transaction fee" rather than a straight percentage. And they reason that accepting credit cards for small amounts eats too much into their profits. I wonder if they have any idea how much business they are losing because of this mindset.

Another restaurant nearby, did something similar. They started cutting back in the amount of salad dressing they were giving with their take-out salads. When I mentioned this to the cashier she said that they had received a lot of complaints lately but that the corporate office insisted they continue with the smaller amounts.

As a business owner, I'm very aware of looking for ways to cut costs and maximize profits. However, when these ways come at the expense of what the customers want, it can really back-fire.

As a PL&L client I urge you to let me know if you ever feel like we are making some of these mistakes.

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Tearing down vs. Building

This week we finally started our kitchen remodel. The contractor and his crew arrived this morning and by the end of the day, my entire kitchen had been demolished. I found it fascinating that it will take 6-12 weeks to build a new kitchen and yet it only took 1 day to destroy the old one!

As I reflected on this, I realized that is the same with many other things - relationships, businesses, reputations, etc. It takes a long time to build them and almost no time to tear them down.

Another thing that struck me was how much less talent is needed to tear something down than to build it.

Hopefully I'll remember this lesson the next time I have an urge to tear something (or someone) down.

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Focus and Accountability

In Podcast #7 we talked about the impact of mentoring and how my partner Lindon and I hired two people to serve as our advisory board. Yesterday we had our monthly meeting with our advisors Tom and Bob. It was a great reminder of the value of having both Focus and Accountability in business - and in life!

Tom & Bob do for Lindon and I what we do for our clients: they find out what is important to us, help us focus and hold us accountable for what we said we would do. While difficult to do sometimes, it is highly effective.

The pursuit of Xtraordinary is greatly aided by having focus and accountability. Who - besides you - is holding you accountable?

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Urban Legends

Earlier today I posted a photograph of an enormous iceberg that a Newfoundland rig manager supposedly snapped while being underwater. Thanks to Mark McQuaid - one of our long-term clients - I can correct my mistake and provide accurate information.

This image was produced in 1999 by Ralph A. Clevenger, a professional nature and underwater photographer who is also a member of the faculty of the Brooks Institute of Photography in Santa Barbara, California. As Mr. Clevenger explained, this image is not a single photograph but a composite of four different photographs (not all taken in the same place):

The iceberg image is a digital composite designed to illustrate the concept of "what you see is not necessarily what you get". As an underwater photographer I knew that my "vision" of what a big iceberg looks like was impossible to get in reality so I had to create it. The image exists in nature but due to water visibility is not possible to capture on film.

There are 4 separate images involved; the sky, the background, the top iceberg (shot in Antarctica), and the underwater iceberg (shot above water in Alaska and flipped in the final composite).

This information came from the Urban Legends Reference Pages at Snopes.com. This is a great site to verify whether something is true or not.

Technorati Tags: Urban Legends, Snopes.com, hoax, Xtraordinary Living

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The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

I've probably read this story several times over the past couple of years and yet, every time I read it, it still resonates with me. In fact, this story was a catalyst for a very special day for me.

About a month ago, my wife Jessica reminded me that my daughter Vanessa's first grade class was having a field-trip to SeaWorld. She had originally signed up to be one of the parents who accompanies the group and asked me if I wanted to take her place. To make a long story short, I ended up re-arranging a couple of meetings and was able to go. My daughter was thrilled and not only did we have a great time together, but it will be one of those happy memories we'll share for years to come. Enjoy!


The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

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Remembering Names

I often struggle to remember names. The article below was written by a colleague of mine - Tom Henschel. I found it to be very useful and got permission from Tom to share it here on the blog. Press The Look & Sound of Leadership to subscribe to his newsletter. It is a wonderful newsletter full of good insights and tips like this one. This post is a little longer than usual but worth it.

"I never remember people's names!" I've heard this lament from six different people in the last month alone. If this is a struggle of yours, here are five actions that will put you on a path to success.

First, adopt the belief Dale Carnegie wrote about in the granddaddy of all self-help books, "How To Win Friends and Influence People." Everyone in the world, he said, has one word that is most special to them: their name.

If you adopt this belief, remembering names becomes more than just a courtesy; it becomes a way to display your core values and a way to bestow honor and respect on the other person.

Second, listen to your self-talk. What do you say to yourself about your difficulty with names? "I just can't remember names." Or "I'm terrible at remembering names." Or "The instant someone says their name I've already forgotten it." All self-fulfilling prophecies with no room for improvement. No wonder you're not doing well!

Instead, give yourself permission to get better. How about this: "I'm working hard to get better at remembering names." Or, "Remembering names is really important to me and I'm making improvement." Those statements allow you to grow incrementally. Make them yours.

Third, be prepared. It's pretty rare that someone just blurts out his or her name unexpectedly. You can usually tell when you're about to hear someone's name. Since you have now adopted the belief that capturing names shows honor and respect, be prepared to receive the name. Focus. Eliminate distractions. Really listen. Put your full attention on the person.

When someone is about to say their name to me, I imagine that a giant catcher's mitt of white feathers covers my entire mid-section. As they speak, I picture their name in big block letters floating into the mitt where I cradle it. Safe landing! Now it's imprinted and in my care. Creating your own specific image for the moment of name-saying will help slow the moment down so you can gain control over it.

Fourth, say the person's name back to them in conversation as soon as you can. When a woman says, "I'm Jill," say, "Nice to meet you, Jill." In addition, use her name again as soon as possible in the next minute or two. This helps cement her name in your head.

Finally, if you're going to take responsibility for remembering names, you need to take full responsibility. This means when one slips from your grasp, own up to it and fix it. If remembering names is really important to you (Step One) and if you're really working to get better (Step Two) then it's not at all embarrassing to simply say, "I'm sorry, will you tell me your name again?" Don't get mired in your own thoughts and reactions about missing the name: focus. Taking ownership in this way shows that the person's name really is important to you; it's a way of honoring them.

The five steps to success are:

1 Believe that remembering names is really important.
2 Tell yourself you're getting better a little bit at a time.
3 Be prepared when someone says his or her name to you. Focus.
4 Say the person's name out loud as soon as you can. More than once.
5 Take responsibility without shame. If you don't catch a name, or have forgotten it, ask for it again.

This skill is transformative. It's worth the effort.

Technorati Tags: Tom Henschel, Remembering Names, Xtraordinary Living

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